Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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