You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
