Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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