I understand why you refuse to be sober now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
