I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
