when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
