do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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