got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
