I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
