turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
