Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
