The maid of honor just puked.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
