We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
