Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
