The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
