I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
