but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
