I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
