I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
