Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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