She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am naked and annoyed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ok first of all what the fuck
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
