I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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