): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
