yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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