Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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