He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
