I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
