i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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