Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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