I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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