Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
