i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My ass is underappreciated
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
