I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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