Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
