so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had to cum in my sink.
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