Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
