You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
