I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
