you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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