I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
