i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this will be a night to untag.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
