Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
