Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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