What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
