Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
