he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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