Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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