omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
a search helicopter?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize