he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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