hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
