hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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